Hop on a Bombardier Dash 8 Q400, hope the de-icer works, the pilots can see out the windshield, and the plane doesn’t crash on an icy runway landing in Spokane, drive 40 miles east to Couer d’Alene, Idaho, consume massive amounts of Kokanee, wake up with a hangover, drive 35 miles east down I-90 and you’ll find yourself smack dab right here. Staring. Staring dumbfounded at a sign that announces you have arrived at the world’s longest gondola.

Noah Kellogg’s borrowed jackass kicked over a rock here in 1880, revealing a big ass chunk of silver. It became the Bunker Hill lode, Idaho’s biggest mining operation ever. Over 80% of the worlds silver has come from here. After they’d raped mother earth of her bounty (silver, lead, zinc & copper), left a white knuckle road up 2,700 feet of vertical, created a toxic super-fund site, the only things left to do were screw, drink, and ski with wild abandonment. In 1968, Jackass Ski Bowl would open. In 1990, they would indeed build the world’s longest single stage gondola and rename the place, Silver Mountain, because if you are gonna name it Jackass Ski Bowl, you might as well call it Shithead Mountain.

The view from the worlds longest gondola.

So, that takes us to us. Here, in 2009, 19 years after this wonderful creation graced the earth with it’s 3.1 miles of presence. And hell yes, it’s the world’s longest gondola, it takes FOREVER to get to the top of the freakin’ mountain. At least 25 minutes! But once your there, shhh, don’t tell anyone I sent you. Over 2,500 of shred-able acres, two peaks (Kellogg & Wardner), 360 degree views of the entire Bitterroot range, some of the easiest, accessible backcountry attacking in the inland Northwest, and a plethora of gladed tree’s, natural hits, chutes, and a leg burner, end of day, 2,5000 + vertical drop, out of bounds/watch for the low lying power lines, 2 mile run to town . One of Jesse’s friends said he was “going to puke” at the end of it, which is code for “I had a great fucking time! I just threw up in my mouth and I love this!”

Do you see the roof line I am seeing?

Get to Silver Mountain. Snowboard all the way to town. Never leave town. You might find you like this place and the serious lack of crowds that Northern Idaho affords. 300 plus inches of snow every year don’t hurt either.

But beware of the liftees here. I repeat – BEWARE OF THE LIFTEES. They are quite a feisty, hearty stock of man who will have no problem insulting you for a mere 47 dollars a day. Things like, “Do you have a snowboard leash? Please don’t wipe your snowboard off on the ramp. They’ll get mad at you if you take pictures of the chairlifts here.”

Yes, someone actually said that to me. Please don’t take pictures of the chairlifts! As a former lift operator, a liftee, and speaking for the liftees far and wide, across the winter wonderland, I have never been uttered such vile, ridiculous words. Am I on a military base? Am I dealing with the FBI? At Silver Mountain, they have the craziest approach to bumping chairs ever bore witness by snowboarder and two plankers alike. They literally sidearm the fucking chair into the back of your thighs. Normally, bumping a chair involves the liftee slightly delaying the chairs release towards your buttocks for about 2-3 seconds allowing you sufficient time to sit your ass upon the chair. Luckily, they don’t really have any ‘roided out, turbo-charged quads here, because they would be knocking little kids down every day with this approach. It is well documented in the photo I present to you as evidence A.

Exhibit A. Exhibit A had "Sarah" tattooed on his neck in cursive.

Anyways, get to Northern Idaho and get some.

Next stop on the tour was Whitefish in the Northwest quadrant of Montana, aka Montucky, aka the home of no sales tax (get 4 lift tickets to Whitefish at Costco for $189), anyways, I’ve blown Whitefish up enough.

Promise me, I’ve been there the last two seasons. Whitefish is the real deal. The resort is sick, the town is sick, you can find a foot of fresh if you look in the right places 3/4 days after a dump, and they’ve got lots of rich folks who own property there who live far, far away, who will rent it out to you/make you the caretaker at really cheap rates if you promise to keep it chill. Not too hard here. You’ll be exhausted after all the hiking we did and just want to soak in some millionaire’s hot tub (thanks Jason & Abby). They’ve continued to step up the park here and have a dedicated crew who keep the jumps, wall rides, jibbers and missiles dialed daily. Go break yourself off, friends.

Silver Mountain

Whitefish Mountain Resort

a special thanks to: jessie murrill, catherine lavezzi, jason & abby forrest, big red freshness, frank at stumptown, the lady at alaska who didnt charge me for baggage and craig kelly.